waiting waiting waiting..

I am learning my triggers for bad eating and not exercising.... I worked 9 days straight this fortnight today is my first day at home!!! So limited sleep... no time to get organised and long hours all equal bad food choices and no exercise!

So I am setting some goals for this week starting Monday... Being the first week of feb!

1. Plan for the day ahead... ie Pack my lunch the night before and plan evening meals in advance

2. Reduce carbs...... Stop eating bread!!!!

3. Use the Wii everyday and weigh in everyday to make me accountable!!!

Ive gained and lost the same 3 kilos in the last 4 weeks... no annoying!

17 days till my pre op appointment !!! I cant wait !!!!

Tomorrow I am going to spend the day doing a week meal planner... shopping for the food on the planner.... planting new veggies and spend a little time with the Wii

Ill keep you all posted on the week!

xxxx

Unsettled...

My mind is all over the place at the moment and my emotions are so up and down..

There is a lot of factors that contribute to this.. but not one that stands out..

Now that I have started the band journey well at least the planning journey its kind of like I am admitting a few thing to my self.. Maybe I choose not to see them before or not to believe them before.

The weekend was one of the lowest times I've had maybe ever.. or maybe for at least 2 years... I cried for most of Saturday and once I started I couldn't stop.. I am not really even sure why? I didn't know how to answer the question "whats wrong?" because I didn't know and still don't..

I think it had been building all week...

Sometime I feel like I am on the outside looking in on this person that I don't even really know...

Things I've learnt about my self this week...

So I weighed in this morning on my Biggest loser Wii game 12 week challenge. I have to say that I was slack with the exercise this week. Food wise I did meal replacement for a few days. On the other days I did pack my new Fancy lunch box with low carb fresh food and protein. I only bought 2 take away lattes this week and no Fast food at all.. (wow I just realised that)

Week 2 of the challenge The numbers are in and I lost 2kg ( 4.4lb) so that's 5kg (11lb) in 2 weeks! WTF... how odd.. I really wasn't expecting that.. Of course I have a lot to loose so again it's probably fluid! I do feel motivated to actually put more effort in this week. Really going to watch the food intake and the carbs. I will try for at least 4 wii sessions..

So after my thought provoking conversation with my friend and after reading all of your blogs and a bit of soul searching... I come up with a few things Ive learnt about me!

1. I like green ...
If you had asked my fav colour 6 months ago I wouldn't have been able to tell you.. Some how its take on a life of it's own with green dotted right through my life... Odd!!!

2. Some things about me are personality traits not because I've been over weight for the last 20 years. ( I am yet to test this one out) I could be wrong!

3. My self esteem is a big whooping joke...

4. People see me differently to the way I see my self...

That's all for now there was plenty more I am sure but this is a journey so it will make more sense as I go along!

1 month to I see the surgeon for my last pre op appointment!!!! tick tick tick....

In other news I am waiting the arrival of my sister baby any day now! This of course has been on my mind for a while now..  Ive been back at work for 2 weeks and haven't attended any births or caught any babies yet so maybe she will be my first of 2010! I do plan on keeping a log this year I have been saying that for the last 9 years but I will this year !

Loving having a day off I am off to tend my organic veggie patch !

K xxx

Answering to your friends!

Yesterday I had lunch with my gorgeous friend lets call her Mac. Every time I see her I leave feeling refresh, to some degree she challenges my thinking and always has no problems asking the hard questions.

So a few weeks ago I told her and her husband over lunch that I had booked to have LAP band surgery. She was quite stunned I think. So when we met for lunch yesterday she had processed, obviously discussed it at length with her husband and was armed and ready to hit me up with the questions!!! She is lucky I love her!

She asked all sorts of things, date, surgeon, time off work and cost. She also asked if I had already had some counselling .... She stated that she was worried... wasn't sure she agreed with it.. concerned I wouldn't be able to have children.. thinks it will affect my relationships negatively, suggested I will become vain.. and obsessed with my appearance.. she did throw in that she thinks I am attractive and that after weight loss I'll look amazing!! Bahahahhaha as if! but she isn't sold on the idea... she admitted that she has never been heavier then a size 12 so she didn't know how it felt! She was a tough audience!

To be honest these are things I really had not considered.. I had to giggle about me becoming vain and obsessed with my appearance it was kinda funny.. I cant wait to have that "problem". But I think I have a lot to get through before they are my major issues!

I am planning for the weight loss to take 12-18months at a minimum.. I don't think its going to be super rapid! I think she thought I'd wake up from surgery skinny... The word Skinny got thrown around a fair bit in our conversation... I never started this journey to be skinny... Skinny is a word I'd not include in my goals! I am doing this to lengthen my life and save my renal function.. Of course smaller jeans... "normal" clothes and gaining some confidence is all part of the journey!

I am sure she will have more questions.. I have to say I am so grateful I am only telling a handful of people! I do appreciate that she cares enough to ask the questions.. I feel a bit exposed by answering all the questions and sharing so much information with people but I think its part of the process and it kinda make me accountable!

Sleep tight K xx

Eat Pray Love...

Well its been so hot here the last few days... this will be our 5th day over 40 (104) degrees. I haven't exercised as we don't have ducted air con.. Its been hard enough to stay hydrated! So feeling deflated that I haven't exercised since Thursday!

We went to our friends house for dinner on Saturday night, while we were there a bush fire was burning out of control less then a mile from their house scary!! So today is a really bad day for a bush fire with northerly winds and temp over 40... I have to work today in the community in and out of the car!! I am packing the esky!

Over the weekend I started a Novel the first new one in a while.. I haven't been able to read anything but the Twilight Saga for almost a year now.. How sad haha... I have put the Saga to rest now! So I came across Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, I am only a 1/4 way in but I am amused and slightly intrigued by this book. I think its come along at a time in my life where so much change is happening! I look forward to reading it this week!

Last week I was so emotional... rare for me!! I am normally sensible, level headed and quite introverted about my emotions.. My boss announced she would be leaving in Feb... I actually got teary when she told me????? WTF!!! I never cry, I then went on to get teary every time I spoke about it last week! She has been a massive part of my career it's because of her that I have the job I do. She took a chance on me after I'd only been in the field for 11months giving me the opportunity to have my dream job, when there were so any other more experienced candidates! I feel like she has created this safe nest of support for me and now I have to fly the nest after 5 years owwww..... that with all the other changes happening this year! 2010 is set to be a big year of challenges and change!!!

I am counting the weeks to my Surgery... the end of March seems so far away!

Thanks to my 6 followers for your comments, I never expected the support I have received on here.. So if your reading this feel free to follow along or comment!

Happy Monday to you all xxxx

Hot in the city .....

Its sooooo hot... we are just starting our 4th heat wave of the summer and I am not looking forward to it at all!! Today was 36 degrees ( 96F) and we are in for 4 days of 39-43 degrees ( 102-109F) hot hot hot ...

Being overweight in a heat wave.... sucks ... I am always hot and sweaty and its so gross!

I also went shopping in the two stores in my city that stock stylish clothes I bought a few tops to see me through the rest of summer.. I tried on a heap of dresses but they were all terrible!!! Strapless...too short..looked like maternity ware.... I cant wait to jump ship!!! Jump the bad plus size clothing ship that is so depressing...

So this morning I weighed in and I lost 3kg (6lb) yahooo... I did work hard for it worked out 6 days...really watched what I ate as well... its probably all fluid... I wonder if I can back it up this week...

K x

Who ever thought of the choosing a word for the New year is a champion... It seems to have taken off on the blogs!

My word is BELIEVE...

I believe I can loose weight

Today was day 4 of the Biggest loser Wii challenge... weigh in is Thursday.. I'd just gotten over Saturdays nasty work out and tonight it was on again... Feeling it already! This week the work outs are 30mins long.... tonight with everything going on I almost didn't make time to exercise but I was able to see where I have failed before. I have to put myself and exercise first ...

Today I also went Bridesmaid dress shopping with my friend (the bride). It wasn't as painful as I thought.. I found a nice dress in a department store.. Its Black.. I ended up putting 2 sizes on layby as I really don't know what will fit... so the plan is to decide at the end of Feb which size to buy...

This is the dress I just hope I can make it work!

Sleep tight K xx

Happy New Year to all of you in Blogging land!!!!

We had a nice relaxing start to the new year few glasses of champers and some nice company.. and then the neighbours put on an illegal fireworks display in the park a block down so that was great!

I spent the 1st of Jan making some goals for the year for my house, garden, savings and travel. !

I also shared some of my personal goals with my partner.. The main one about health.. weight loss and reducing some of the medications I am on! I felt really well supported when I voiced them although I was very nervous doing so. Ive been quiet open with sharing my plans for the lap band with close family and friends.... It feels good to talk about it hmmm.. I think I'll keep as quiet as I can at work and with the inlaws...

So NYE day I purchased the Biggest Loser Game for the Wii.... I got a Wii for Christmas. I started 1st Jan on a 12 week Challenge... I think its going to be great.. My 1st work out yesterday was nasty... I hurt so much today... push ups and bridge pose ohhh my collar bones ache!!!! Today Biggest loser game wouldn't let me workout!!! It was a rest day.. So I did some Wii fit lower body exercises and some balance games. Tonight I am going to stretch it out with some yoga... try lessen the pain!

Bring on 2010.... I cant wait for it to unfold..

Back to work on Tuesday .... which is kinda good I miss my clients a bit have to check in with them all.. and also some sort of routine will be helpful.. Although no 2 days are the same! That will be my challenge! I also have to book my sick leave for March!!! woot woot...

K x