Today is my post op follow up appt

So today I am off to see my incredibly good looking surgeon for a post op follow up. Hoping to discuss his findings at my band removal and discuss the next step. Nervous much ? Mm yes !

Feeling pretty good 2 weeks today since the surgery I'd be lying if I said it was easier then I thought ! Turns out it was a lot more intense. My stomach still thinks there's a band there I can only eat a small portion and get stabbing pain if I eat anything too hard.

Will post later about the date I am given
Xxx

Day 6 post band removal

Today is day 6 post op... I am feeling much better needing less medication only late in the afternoon and at night. I drove today for the 1st time since the OP. Only a very short drive but it felt good to get out Cabin fever certainly set in yesterday and continued today with some very grumpy behaviour !  Tonight the top wound was so itchy that I could not stop scratching it I had a small reaction to the tape so I pulled it off... hmmm it looks rather raw and the itch is worse... hoping I have something to cover it in the first aid kit ekkk

Doing lots of reading and preparing myself for my post op appointment Wednesday week. 

Day 3 post op Band removal

Ticking along at home post op... Last night my first night at home was painful, I had  the drug mix all wrong so ended up  having to wait up in pain till midnight to get it sorted. The tablets lasted 4hours and 15mins and I was awake again ready for more! I had to prop myself up on pillows as being too flat was painful. I don't remember getting the band in being this painful... I am on fluids and small amounts of soft foods, I tried some firmer food but the pain was awful. Small amounts of fluid often also happening, Apparently it will be puffy for a few days yet. Still pondering the choice and what lays ahead ... 

It's out, I woke up alive and survived the night!!!

Terrified yesterday I went through with my bands removal. My doctor wants to do the revision surgery in 2 stages to minimize the risks. Whilst I get thing from my article search on all the medical journals I have to say I was a bit disappointed. For 3 reasons
1. I have annual leave at the moment till June 18th and getting it over with now would mean no more time off work.
2. I will find out when the gastric sleeve can happen today it may be 3-6 months.
3. I will be free falling with out a band or anything for that matter for this time .. Ok there's a 4th
I want my life back

The pain of getting it out hasn't been so bad. I hate waking up from the general feeling like a truck has run you over and a horse kicking you in the guts. Once I got back to the ward 6pmish and could wake up a bit more I texted and rang everyone who wanted to know I was ok. Slowly got moving bathroom stop and got out of that ugly gown!! Managed with just panadol till 1030pm. Managed 1/2 hot tea, apple juice and a small jelly.

It's 650am now and I have managed to nap between blood pressure checks and 4 hourly panadol. So home today with hopefully so Idea about when I may be able to have the sleeve.

A lovely thing that happened was that the nurse looking after me tonight has had a sleeve 2 years ago . She lost 48kg in 18 months feels well rarely hungry and manages all foods. So inspiring to talk too and she gave me some info for the doctor we both are using and his Facebook support forum,

Blogger on my iPhone is amazing I am going to be blogging this whole thing .

Xxx

Gorgeous gown and stocking and the IVT pole I'll post some. Photos of my new scars soon.

2 days till the band comes out

I having been trying to write this post for days ... So I have thought long and hard about this band and the last 2 years

and today is the day it comes out ...

Do I feel like a failure ?
In someways sure I know I could have done things differently. Then on the other hand I think I gave it a pretty good go.

This time last year I was in the America feeling skinny having a awesome holiday weight 107kg today I checked into the hospital at 131kg . I was speechless at the numbers, 2kg high then the day I arrived here for my Lapband 2 years 3 months ago. I also had a flash back to feeling 107kg feeling dizzy, dehydrated, constantly nervous in social situations regular pb's and some times  vomiting blood. I think I vomited almost everyday for the last 12 months. The abdo wall irritation is constant now where the tubing runs.

What does this all mean ? Where to from now? It's pretty clear that I need help. My  relationships feel chaotic and I am reminded of the stats about relationship failure that I read in the beginning of this. Do relationships struggle when lapbands work well and when they fail ? There is glimmers of hope but they all centre around me taking charge of my life and making some changes starting with removing the lapband.

Terrified to get it out and be on my own but more terrified about not being an active participant in my life...

Am I doing the right thing I'll never know ... Well maybe I will only time will tell  ...

The Lapband is coming out

Failed Lap Band

"After 6 years, for every failed gastric bypass, there were 4 failed lap bands (with failure determined by BMI greater than 35 or reversal of the procedure). For every 1 long-term bypass complication there were 2 lap band complications, and for every 1 re-operation of a bypassed patient, there were 2 of lap banded ones."

This is from here http://www.weightymatters.ca/2012/01/gastric-bypasses-destroy-lap-bands-in.html

So I have a failed lap band ....  yep its true ... I can not get restriction ... I can not find that balance 5.5cc is too loose and 5.6cc is too tight...  Is it me ... Am I the failure.. or is the bank not the right fit for me...

So very devastated to be heading towards 2 years post banding and still have a BMI above 35 ...

I have been soul searching mixing it up.. exercising ...I feel like I am a merry-go-round ... I am either starving or pbing... I chuck everyday ... even on shakes and mushies...

I have booked a second opinion  with another surgeon but can't get in till April 18th ....

I need to gather myself up and make a plan until then... I need my life back.. I need my self esteem back I need to feel ok in my own skin...  Sob sob sob

I will keep blogging the progress as I need an outlet so badly and feel like such a failure .... I am so embarrassed ..