It's out, I woke up alive and survived the night!!!

Terrified yesterday I went through with my bands removal. My doctor wants to do the revision surgery in 2 stages to minimize the risks. Whilst I get thing from my article search on all the medical journals I have to say I was a bit disappointed. For 3 reasons
1. I have annual leave at the moment till June 18th and getting it over with now would mean no more time off work.
2. I will find out when the gastric sleeve can happen today it may be 3-6 months.
3. I will be free falling with out a band or anything for that matter for this time .. Ok there's a 4th
I want my life back

The pain of getting it out hasn't been so bad. I hate waking up from the general feeling like a truck has run you over and a horse kicking you in the guts. Once I got back to the ward 6pmish and could wake up a bit more I texted and rang everyone who wanted to know I was ok. Slowly got moving bathroom stop and got out of that ugly gown!! Managed with just panadol till 1030pm. Managed 1/2 hot tea, apple juice and a small jelly.

It's 650am now and I have managed to nap between blood pressure checks and 4 hourly panadol. So home today with hopefully so Idea about when I may be able to have the sleeve.

A lovely thing that happened was that the nurse looking after me tonight has had a sleeve 2 years ago . She lost 48kg in 18 months feels well rarely hungry and manages all foods. So inspiring to talk too and she gave me some info for the doctor we both are using and his Facebook support forum,

Blogger on my iPhone is amazing I am going to be blogging this whole thing .

Xxx

Gorgeous gown and stocking and the IVT pole I'll post some. Photos of my new scars soon.

2 days till the band comes out

I having been trying to write this post for days ... So I have thought long and hard about this band and the last 2 years

and today is the day it comes out ...

Do I feel like a failure ?
In someways sure I know I could have done things differently. Then on the other hand I think I gave it a pretty good go.

This time last year I was in the America feeling skinny having a awesome holiday weight 107kg today I checked into the hospital at 131kg . I was speechless at the numbers, 2kg high then the day I arrived here for my Lapband 2 years 3 months ago. I also had a flash back to feeling 107kg feeling dizzy, dehydrated, constantly nervous in social situations regular pb's and some times  vomiting blood. I think I vomited almost everyday for the last 12 months. The abdo wall irritation is constant now where the tubing runs.

What does this all mean ? Where to from now? It's pretty clear that I need help. My  relationships feel chaotic and I am reminded of the stats about relationship failure that I read in the beginning of this. Do relationships struggle when lapbands work well and when they fail ? There is glimmers of hope but they all centre around me taking charge of my life and making some changes starting with removing the lapband.

Terrified to get it out and be on my own but more terrified about not being an active participant in my life...

Am I doing the right thing I'll never know ... Well maybe I will only time will tell  ...

The Lapband is coming out

Failed Lap Band

"After 6 years, for every failed gastric bypass, there were 4 failed lap bands (with failure determined by BMI greater than 35 or reversal of the procedure). For every 1 long-term bypass complication there were 2 lap band complications, and for every 1 re-operation of a bypassed patient, there were 2 of lap banded ones."

This is from here http://www.weightymatters.ca/2012/01/gastric-bypasses-destroy-lap-bands-in.html

So I have a failed lap band ....  yep its true ... I can not get restriction ... I can not find that balance 5.5cc is too loose and 5.6cc is too tight...  Is it me ... Am I the failure.. or is the bank not the right fit for me...

So very devastated to be heading towards 2 years post banding and still have a BMI above 35 ...

I have been soul searching mixing it up.. exercising ...I feel like I am a merry-go-round ... I am either starving or pbing... I chuck everyday ... even on shakes and mushies...

I have booked a second opinion  with another surgeon but can't get in till April 18th ....

I need to gather myself up and make a plan until then... I need my life back.. I need my self esteem back I need to feel ok in my own skin...  Sob sob sob

I will keep blogging the progress as I need an outlet so badly and feel like such a failure .... I am so embarrassed ..

Update ....head first fearless

So after my September post, things got really bad the band was so tight !  I went for 26hours with out being able to get a drop of water down and bringing up my spit every few hours. By the time I realised that not even water was going down it was past 10pm. So I waited till 8am rang the doctors office and they squeezed me in for 11am. Not thinking right I headed into work for a few hours so I could get everything done and make my appointment with out taking a sick day. I made it till 10am before I was mid sentence and hit the deck.. never having fainted before it was an awful experience. My co-worker got an Gelco in me and some IV fluids and I was fine just dry as a chip! Luck for me I work in a large hospital so everything was at hand.

So off to the doc I went..in the waiting room I was suddenly over come up the need to pb and I did a large amount of what looked like dark brown cottage cheese ... My medical training told me I'd just vomited blood and my Doc then confirmed it. So sadly the band was completely deflated and an endoscopy was booked, I was given some tablets for reflux and told to go back to fluids. This was the end of September and they could not do the endoscope till December 1st!!!!!

So no fill from September till December arhhhh it was terrible ...... The Endo showed reflux with some damage from it other wise normal no slippage no erosion all OK. So it was another week before I could get back into see them for a fill. So 3 weeks post fill now and I am plodding and very ready for my next fill next Thursday 12th !

I have started a 12 week challenge using meal replacements 2 a day to kick start 2012 for me till i get this fill in the right spot! I am ready and so very focused ....

My word for 2012 is FEARLESS ...

Open for business.....

Does anyone  ever feel like your band has open for eating times and closed for eating times!
So the last 3 days this is how my band rolls..

545am when I wake anything more then a sip of water bounces back up..

630am 1st cup of tea approx 1/4 takes approx 1 hour to get down

800am Venti latte ( ended up taking till 3pm to drink 3/4 of it, it became an iced latte)

3pm 1/2 a small bran and raisin cookie very bouncy but got it down

5pm 1/2 cup of tea took an hour

630pm Thai soup blended ( bounced straight back up ) pb'ed all of it!

830pm 1/4 cup rice 2 small bits of green curry chicken, hot chocolate, 500mls of  water and small nonfat yogurt. All down perfectly in fact could have kept eating but felt full.

950pm  the other half of the bran raisin cookie ...No go!!!! pb'ed band now closed for business!

so it seems I have a window of approx 1.5hours a day to eat?  Which I guess is OK but today at work I did feel like I needed more water slightly light headed... hmm what to do if we take some out I am starving and can eat everything but this is a little too tight maybe??? 6 days till I see the doctor and I am not even sure the scale is moving!!!

Any advice?? Does anyone else have this happen to them?? Advice greatly appreciated.

Keeping the faith

Day 5 keeping the faith ...

My restriction has well and truly kicked in, Friday I had a" nothing is going down  today" day! I had a mouthful of stewed apple late Thursday night so I could take some pain medication. That clearly wasn't a good idea as I then had to vomit it up at 11am the next morning so I could get some water down! Very strange is was there above band for over 12 hours! After that I just had fluids as I didn't want to upset the band anymore!

I am back to weighing everyday I know there is such a shift in fluid daily and that this reflects on the scale that but it helps me get an idea about what is happening and to some extent what is actual and what is water. I think I am on the way down now. 10 days till I have to see my doctor again to see if I am back on track..

It's a gorgeous day here in Australia the sun is shining blue skies, its a warm 30 (86) degrees and the smell of spring is in the air, our veggie garden is starting to really take off and the spring flowers are in full bloom.

It's a lovely day in the neighbourhood

xxxx