The limbo continues

So the odd limbo continues, with just over 2 month to go now until I have the sleeve op I am feeling perhaps at my lowest point ever !  I have gained 9kg since March, but to me it feels like 30kg I feel so heavy, no energy and my body aches everyday. I don't know what to do with myself, when will this end.

I don't use the word depressed very often, but I am not sure what else to call it... I am anxious about possibly seeing people that I know who may have seen me at a good weight with the band. If I do see them I spend the next 10mins after the encounter going through in my head what they thought of me for having gained weight and "wasting" the band... I apologies in my head to them, vowing the next time they see me things will be different. This then sends me into a spin of what I look like and who will I see next wow its exhausting.

I work in a large hospital full of women, people are always commenting on what people wear, you look great, you look tired, ect ect  I like your shoes, belt, nail polish. There are groups that are so obsessed ! I constantly feel people are looking... I wear smart/casual clothes 80% of the time and scrubs when I am looking after a patient. At the moment its taking me anywhere from 20-90mins to find something to wear and usually involves 2-3 changes.

I am done I am so over my body it feels so broken ... I am so ready for the next thing,,, My doc has given me a script for D-u-r-o-m-i-n-e  (SP) to suppress my huger and try to stop any further weight gain before surgery ... I am a little terrified of it, he thinks 8 weeks of this will be helpful and that I wont have to do a long  post op diet if I don't gain any more weight.

Head First Fearless ..

Head first FEARLESS is my inspiration at the moment ... I feel like I am in some odd limbo band out but awaiting the sleeve operation.. November feels so far away .. I have joined C-u-r-v -e-s, which was a little scary getting on the scales and going through the whole sign up thing... I think it will be a good start for me as I feel like I am starting from scratch again. I think after a period of time the circuits will get a little boring and I would feel ready for the next thing! I am going to give it 12months. I am hoping that group fitness in the park or the big gym is what I am read for in 12 months. 

I'd love to have a fitness plan that included lots of variety. I have come to terms with the fact that working the way I do 24hour shifts across a 7 day roster I am never going to have a routine.  So I have decided to see exercise as an opportunistic event if I have 30 mins free home or at work then that's enough time to do something.

If I am at home I will go to C-U-R-V-E-S, use my yoga DVD, treadmill, weights or take my new little puppy Wallace to the park at the end of the street, the beach 5 mins walk or around the block.

If I am at work there is stairs so many stairs ... the hospital is surrounded by parkland's so a walk around the park or there is an impressive hill that always makes me work hard. 

I have to forget trying to conform to a routine and start seeing a 30 minute window as an opportunity to get some exercise in. 

Last week I took Wallace to the beach 4 times for 30mins each time, as he gets bigger he will be able to walk for longer so that will be good. I also got in 2 c-u-r-v-e-s workouts and parked a lot further away from work then normal. 

Today the 1st day of the week I went to C-u-r-v-e-s this morning whilst being on call and am planning a trip to the beach if this weather holds for Wallace later on once I have finished all this paper work ! 

The countdown continues to the sleeve ..... the only way is forward ! 

And the Date is ...

November 1st 2012 is my sleeve operation day !!!

Today is my post op follow up appt

So today I am off to see my incredibly good looking surgeon for a post op follow up. Hoping to discuss his findings at my band removal and discuss the next step. Nervous much ? Mm yes !

Feeling pretty good 2 weeks today since the surgery I'd be lying if I said it was easier then I thought ! Turns out it was a lot more intense. My stomach still thinks there's a band there I can only eat a small portion and get stabbing pain if I eat anything too hard.

Will post later about the date I am given
Xxx

Day 6 post band removal

Today is day 6 post op... I am feeling much better needing less medication only late in the afternoon and at night. I drove today for the 1st time since the OP. Only a very short drive but it felt good to get out Cabin fever certainly set in yesterday and continued today with some very grumpy behaviour !  Tonight the top wound was so itchy that I could not stop scratching it I had a small reaction to the tape so I pulled it off... hmmm it looks rather raw and the itch is worse... hoping I have something to cover it in the first aid kit ekkk

Doing lots of reading and preparing myself for my post op appointment Wednesday week. 

Day 3 post op Band removal

Ticking along at home post op... Last night my first night at home was painful, I had  the drug mix all wrong so ended up  having to wait up in pain till midnight to get it sorted. The tablets lasted 4hours and 15mins and I was awake again ready for more! I had to prop myself up on pillows as being too flat was painful. I don't remember getting the band in being this painful... I am on fluids and small amounts of soft foods, I tried some firmer food but the pain was awful. Small amounts of fluid often also happening, Apparently it will be puffy for a few days yet. Still pondering the choice and what lays ahead ... 

It's out, I woke up alive and survived the night!!!

Terrified yesterday I went through with my bands removal. My doctor wants to do the revision surgery in 2 stages to minimize the risks. Whilst I get thing from my article search on all the medical journals I have to say I was a bit disappointed. For 3 reasons
1. I have annual leave at the moment till June 18th and getting it over with now would mean no more time off work.
2. I will find out when the gastric sleeve can happen today it may be 3-6 months.
3. I will be free falling with out a band or anything for that matter for this time .. Ok there's a 4th
I want my life back

The pain of getting it out hasn't been so bad. I hate waking up from the general feeling like a truck has run you over and a horse kicking you in the guts. Once I got back to the ward 6pmish and could wake up a bit more I texted and rang everyone who wanted to know I was ok. Slowly got moving bathroom stop and got out of that ugly gown!! Managed with just panadol till 1030pm. Managed 1/2 hot tea, apple juice and a small jelly.

It's 650am now and I have managed to nap between blood pressure checks and 4 hourly panadol. So home today with hopefully so Idea about when I may be able to have the sleeve.

A lovely thing that happened was that the nurse looking after me tonight has had a sleeve 2 years ago . She lost 48kg in 18 months feels well rarely hungry and manages all foods. So inspiring to talk too and she gave me some info for the doctor we both are using and his Facebook support forum,

Blogger on my iPhone is amazing I am going to be blogging this whole thing .

Xxx

Gorgeous gown and stocking and the IVT pole I'll post some. Photos of my new scars soon.