Two Days !!!!

Two Sleeps until my sleeve op.....

 I have been trying to fit a lot in before my sleeve and work has been off the scale busy 70+ hour week for me last week. I have done 10days straight! Tomorrow at 8am I am finally finished work just in time to do some last minute things before sleeve day !!!

Tonight I planted veggies and weeded the garden because I don't think I'll be able to beds down to the plots for a little while.

I had my last appointment today, consents signed, times set, final instructions from the Doc.. oh and a weigh in.. dismal have not lost a gram since I saw him a few weeks ago. Massive anxiety but also a huge reality check the sleeve is the right choice for me.

So apart from having lots of anxiety about dying on the table, waking up in the middle of the OP and that horrid moment they wake you up and you feel like you have been hit by a bus in recovery I am pretty calm !!! Can you tell !!!

So have talked myself off the ledge a few times this week and today the doc really put it into perspective and normalised my fear and anxiety kinda.....

So discussions when I get there on Thursday will be Pre med and Post Med related I want lots of both please!!!

So one of the last things on my list is before photos and measurements!

 Apparently I am going to be in 3 nights, i think I may go mad in there. Ill have my ipad so will be sure to update you all.

Fearless .... My word for 2012 .... Feel the Fear and do it anyway !

xox

I have been watching the footage on TV of NYC and the destruction that Sandy has caused! I am thinking all of you in NY and your families and hope you are all safe. I can't imagine what it would be like to be there now. I love NYC this is so sad. much love to you all xox 

8 days .....

8 days .............. 8 freaking days till my sleeve surgery!

I am having all types of emotions my head is so busy with just digesting everything.

On the to do list is before photos and measurements, reading blogs has taught me how motivating this can be in the journey.

I've started stocking piling teas,shakes and a few other bits and pieces for my 2 weeks of recovery .

I am so ready for a change of pace .. I welcome this new chapter of my life and what life has in store for me next

xxx

The countdown begins

                                                   10 Days till sleeve day !!!!!!

                              I am getting a little nervous now !! 

Slight pause to digest all the info !

So my sleeve op is now 7 weeks away !!! 

So I have come across a blog post from surgeon that has taken some recent data and done his own summary about what it all means. My take on this article is that he is suggesting that Lap band & Gastric bypass are much better in terms of safety and outcome. Reading this so close to my op has certainly sent me into a bit of a spin and I am on the hunt for more info. Whilst it will not change my plans I just want all the information.

I think I am having a reality check, just digesting what's actually going to happen and maybe a mini freak out! I still have this sense of what if it doesn't work? I feel so shattered that the lap band didn't work for me. The lap band failure was like this massive fall from success and for me everyone saw it ! I think I am still getting over that! 

The only way is forward!

Is it normal to feel so emotional about the whole thing? The feelings are so layered excitiment, anticipation, fear with a dash of overwhelmed. And maybe a tiny bit of wow this maybe work!

Heading out to enjoy the gorgeous sunshine xxxx

Counting the days !

1 month 3 weeks and 5 days till Sleeve day !!

Its so random walking through the plus size departments and having to stop my self looking and buying clothes.. I think somewhere deep down I don't believe that I will ever be able to shop in the normal section ... I wonder if those already banded felt that way at this point.

I've gone up a size in scrubs at work :( oh the misery continues ...

I have been taking Duromine 15mg and having 2x Isowhey shakes a day, I was amazed at how much energy I had. I have been counting calories on my fit pal on my iPhone.

I  have been having moments of excitement and then panic ! What if something goes wrong what if there are complications what if it hurts more then I thought it would arhhhh!!! Then little bullets of bliss with moments of "wow this may actually work" ... Two big emotions. The words not reversible play on my mind !

xxx

The limbo continues

So the odd limbo continues, with just over 2 month to go now until I have the sleeve op I am feeling perhaps at my lowest point ever !  I have gained 9kg since March, but to me it feels like 30kg I feel so heavy, no energy and my body aches everyday. I don't know what to do with myself, when will this end.

I don't use the word depressed very often, but I am not sure what else to call it... I am anxious about possibly seeing people that I know who may have seen me at a good weight with the band. If I do see them I spend the next 10mins after the encounter going through in my head what they thought of me for having gained weight and "wasting" the band... I apologies in my head to them, vowing the next time they see me things will be different. This then sends me into a spin of what I look like and who will I see next wow its exhausting.

I work in a large hospital full of women, people are always commenting on what people wear, you look great, you look tired, ect ect  I like your shoes, belt, nail polish. There are groups that are so obsessed ! I constantly feel people are looking... I wear smart/casual clothes 80% of the time and scrubs when I am looking after a patient. At the moment its taking me anywhere from 20-90mins to find something to wear and usually involves 2-3 changes.

I am done I am so over my body it feels so broken ... I am so ready for the next thing,,, My doc has given me a script for D-u-r-o-m-i-n-e  (SP) to suppress my huger and try to stop any further weight gain before surgery ... I am a little terrified of it, he thinks 8 weeks of this will be helpful and that I wont have to do a long  post op diet if I don't gain any more weight.

Head First Fearless ..

Head first FEARLESS is my inspiration at the moment ... I feel like I am in some odd limbo band out but awaiting the sleeve operation.. November feels so far away .. I have joined C-u-r-v -e-s, which was a little scary getting on the scales and going through the whole sign up thing... I think it will be a good start for me as I feel like I am starting from scratch again. I think after a period of time the circuits will get a little boring and I would feel ready for the next thing! I am going to give it 12months. I am hoping that group fitness in the park or the big gym is what I am read for in 12 months. 

I'd love to have a fitness plan that included lots of variety. I have come to terms with the fact that working the way I do 24hour shifts across a 7 day roster I am never going to have a routine.  So I have decided to see exercise as an opportunistic event if I have 30 mins free home or at work then that's enough time to do something.

If I am at home I will go to C-U-R-V-E-S, use my yoga DVD, treadmill, weights or take my new little puppy Wallace to the park at the end of the street, the beach 5 mins walk or around the block.

If I am at work there is stairs so many stairs ... the hospital is surrounded by parkland's so a walk around the park or there is an impressive hill that always makes me work hard. 

I have to forget trying to conform to a routine and start seeing a 30 minute window as an opportunity to get some exercise in. 

Last week I took Wallace to the beach 4 times for 30mins each time, as he gets bigger he will be able to walk for longer so that will be good. I also got in 2 c-u-r-v-e-s workouts and parked a lot further away from work then normal. 

Today the 1st day of the week I went to C-u-r-v-e-s this morning whilst being on call and am planning a trip to the beach if this weather holds for Wallace later on once I have finished all this paper work ! 

The countdown continues to the sleeve ..... the only way is forward !