Monday, August 27, 2012

The limbo continues

So the odd limbo continues, with just over 2 month to go now until I have the sleeve op I am feeling perhaps at my lowest point ever !  I have gained 9kg since March, but to me it feels like 30kg I feel so heavy, no energy and my body aches everyday. I don't know what to do with myself, when will this end.

I don't use the word depressed very often, but I am not sure what else to call it... I am anxious about possibly seeing people that I know who may have seen me at a good weight with the band. If I do see them I spend the next 10mins after the encounter going through in my head what they thought of me for having gained weight and "wasting" the band... I apologies in my head to them, vowing the next time they see me things will be different. This then sends me into a spin of what I look like and who will I see next wow its exhausting.

I work in a large hospital full of women, people are always commenting on what people wear, you look great, you look tired, ect ect  I like your shoes, belt, nail polish. There are groups that are so obsessed ! I constantly feel people are looking... I wear smart/casual clothes 80% of the time and scrubs when I am looking after a patient. At the moment its taking me anywhere from 20-90mins to find something to wear and usually involves 2-3 changes.

I am done I am so over my body it feels so broken ... I am so ready for the next thing,,, My doc has given me a script for D-u-r-o-m-i-n-e  (SP) to suppress my huger and try to stop any further weight gain before surgery ... I am a little terrified of it, he thinks 8 weeks of this will be helpful and that I wont have to do a long  post op diet if I don't gain any more weight.