Monday, August 27, 2012

The limbo continues

So the odd limbo continues, with just over 2 month to go now until I have the sleeve op I am feeling perhaps at my lowest point ever !  I have gained 9kg since March, but to me it feels like 30kg I feel so heavy, no energy and my body aches everyday. I don't know what to do with myself, when will this end.

I don't use the word depressed very often, but I am not sure what else to call it... I am anxious about possibly seeing people that I know who may have seen me at a good weight with the band. If I do see them I spend the next 10mins after the encounter going through in my head what they thought of me for having gained weight and "wasting" the band... I apologies in my head to them, vowing the next time they see me things will be different. This then sends me into a spin of what I look like and who will I see next wow its exhausting.

I work in a large hospital full of women, people are always commenting on what people wear, you look great, you look tired, ect ect  I like your shoes, belt, nail polish. There are groups that are so obsessed ! I constantly feel people are looking... I wear smart/casual clothes 80% of the time and scrubs when I am looking after a patient. At the moment its taking me anywhere from 20-90mins to find something to wear and usually involves 2-3 changes.

I am done I am so over my body it feels so broken ... I am so ready for the next thing,,, My doc has given me a script for D-u-r-o-m-i-n-e  (SP) to suppress my huger and try to stop any further weight gain before surgery ... I am a little terrified of it, he thinks 8 weeks of this will be helpful and that I wont have to do a long  post op diet if I don't gain any more weight.


Lynda said...

It's as if this post came out of my own head! I am in a similar me if you want to chat

Lap Band Gal said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog...I will be answering your question about being open and telling everyone about my band on tomorrow's blog post. Thanks for asking such a GREAT question :)